Is saying: Que onda?

Tonight...

It's dark and cold, my mouth is dry and my heart is tired. 

The ringing hasn't stopped, not even when I'm dreaming ,sleeping or awake.

Remnants of your darkest hour still flashing inside my head, telling me they are not going to go away.

My heart and my mind are still not talking to each other, the blaming arguments have broken their brotherhood. 

The ringing hasn't stopped, not even when I'm dreaming ,sleeping or awake.

Oh how much I'd rather take your place.

Can I please?

Can I please buy some more time, please?
Can I get extra love to give you now, yesterday?
Can I buy some more time, please?
Let me give you all of me now and yesterday
Before is too late and you decide to leave, today.

Always in my heart hijo mio.

Carta a un hijo

Hijo Mio,

Estas palabras son mas para mi que para nadie mas, pues no me atrevo ni siquiera a pedirte que pongas tus ojos en mis palabras escritas, estas palabras que tratan de explicar a mi corazón porque ya no estas y porque decidiste irte. Se que tu corazón siempre fue generoso y bueno, que aunque estabas lleno de pena y desolación, nunca recibí nada malo de tu parte, solo recibí de ti cariño, tu sentido del humor y tu abrazo sincero.

 Rezo por que tu alma encuentre la paz que no pudiste encontrar entre nosotros, que donde te encuentras puedas ahora sonreír por dentro como por fuera. Es difícil para mi escapar del “hubiera” pues es tanto el dolor que siento que no puedo evitar pensar que es lo que hubiera hecho para acercarme mas a ti, querido hijo. Nos dejas un inmenso vacío hijo, pero en la promesa de Dios, mi intención es celebrar tu vida, tu sonrisa y tu inevitablemente complejo y humano sentido del humor.

Siempre en mi corazón

Tío Juan Alfredo

Letter to my son

Dear Son,

 I can not even dare to ask you to read this letter, so this letter is more for me than for anyone else, there are just words that merely try to explain to my heart why you are not here and why you decided to leave. I know your heart was always generous and kind and even though you were filled with sadness and solitude, I never received any unkindness from you, I only received your love, tenderness; I was lucky enough to experience your warm embrace and sense of humor.

I pray your soul finds the peace you couldn't find here with us, that where you are now, you can smile from the inside as well as from the outside. It is almost inevitable for me while writing this words, to escape the thoughts of many things “I should have” done to become closer to you. I know it’s the pain talking right now, the immense pain, emptiness and darkness we all feel right now, that we failed you as parents and as friends. But in God’s promise my intention is to celebrate your life, your internal smile and humanity and your unavoidably complex sense of humor.

Always in my heart

Tio Juan Alfredo

the JC factor

Please make up you mind. You can't change your name when its convenient to you 

The rain is telling me to slow down, saying that I shouldn't take anything for granted.

adagio.fm sesame ckn 03 silver oak merlot...We're set :-)

is having a better day than expected :)

Beba on my mind...

Been thinking about you lately, lil' sis :-)

Quisiera inventar nuevas palabras para decirte lo mucho que significas en mi vida. Decirte que pienso en ti cada dia, que cuando me siento solo e insignificante, pensar en tu sonrisa y tus apapachos es todo lo que necesito para continuar mi dia.

I wish I could invent new words that could tell you how powerfully your life touches my life. I wish there were words that could express that when I feel the burden of solitude , the image of you comes to mind with your smile and your love hugs, and that's all it takes to carry on my day.

"Vacant-tions?

There I was, beautiful island of Puerto Rico, now I know why the call it vacations. My mind seemed gone vacant from all the mundane worries and little things that can make your mind feel oppressed most of the time. So as I go to bed this evening I thank God for all the good things he has provided to me. 

I give thanks for Mama and Beba and thank for all the wonderful souls that have touched my life, for all the beautiful pieces of heaven on earth that I've been allowed to touch and feel, Thank You. Good night

It's that time of the year...

It's that time of the year when the weather starts to cool off, when the mega-marketers of the world start displaying their awful "Holiday Special" ads.

She is in my dreams again, my granmother Coty that is, telling me again that my need to ban all things "Christmasy" while unfounded is understandable. She tells me the same thing every year you know but this year it was different.

She dared to ask the all powerful question: Why? The list goes on, I mean what about the poor children that don't have food, needless to say "toys" every day of the year? But what about the true meaning of Christmas? I tell her, we have all forgotten it! Then she asks again why?

so now what?

I'm a slacker, the ultimate procrastinator.
There, I said it. So now what?

Here's the real problem:
The real problem isn't the 32 loads of laundry or the unfinished Christmas cards from last year I found in my bottom kitchen drawer. The problem is that I waited until the last minute to tell someone how I feel about that person. The problem it is not that I can not speak my mind, or that I'm to shy (If you know me, you know that's not the issue).
But what happens when ultimate procrastination meets borderline mid-life crisis? You easily get confused with your priorities, you get so overwhelmed with the decisions, even the small daily decisions that you end up not making any decision.
If you are still reading this (first of all, thank you for attention). You probably know you think where I am going with all this.

So, is it the mid-life crisis responsible for the procrastination? Or the other way around? Either way, it feels good to let it out of my head in to this lines.

And if you need to know, yes it took me almost 4 weeks to finally decide to finish this post.

now on whrrl

SO WHERE IS ALFREDO? I know that most of you don't know where have I been lately and (assuming that you care) :-) I have signed up to whrrl service, where you can actually see in a map where I am or have been. I will be doing reviews of most cool places to hang out, from upscale shopping to the best deals in the area! For now I will be covering most of Texas , Oklahoma and doing a special blog about what really is going on Louisiana, real time. Check out the blog, follow me on whrri and on twitter!

Everything is going to be all right

Why is it so hard to do the things we KNOW we need to do?

Family is FIRST and will always be, I know that I always knew it.

Been here for so long, thinking things will fall into place once I worked hard and lived an honest life.

While I have no major regrets, I do regret not being there the day my sister fell ill, the day mother was so sad she couldn't get up that day.

When my niece turned fifteen and everyone was there...except me. I know now that the saying "Things happen for a reason" can hold so much truth, so growing up has no age. 

I let you know what happens tomorrow.

cheers

fredo

today is the day

I just only hope I can keep up with this ....